It's not healthy, the way I think.
I'm not okay with who I am.
So many times I've felt like there was a break through.
But I keep coming back to this place where I feel empty.
Worthless.
Nothing.
I compare myself to wonderful people.
I wish I could be like them.
I wish I was normal.
But I was told that no one wakes up and says "wow I'm glad I'm normal today"
No one is normal.
But why did God make me so needy? Or is it just me.
Did I do this to myself?
I want to be content with who I am.
But I feel like I need to change in order to be content.
Which means I'll never be.
I get mad at God sometimes, knowing he could've made me different.
I know I wasn't promised happiness in this life, but is that the same as contentment?
I am in the way of fulfilling my purpose.
I am in the way of love.
I am in the way of happiness.
I am in the way.
So many times I have a day where I feel really good about myself, confident. And I think this is what it feels like to be happy. Awesome. I feel like I have made a breakthrough. "this is the turning point. I'm going to be self confident from now on." And then the next day my hair poofs out too much or I say something I regret and I go back to the way I always am.
ReplyDeleteI love that first line. "It's not healthy, the way I think" You have no idea how many times I just sit around thinking and then I realize. this can not be normal. The things that I am thinking...
It's funny how things work out. How all these little things happened that led to me knowing you. And I know I dont know you all that well, but I feel like I do. Because yeah, we are similar in funny ways. But just knowing that I'm not the only one is a little comforting, I have to admit. :)
So, I dont have any advice to give you. Just to say that you're not alone.