Sooner or Later

[Verse 1]
Pull the hair back from your eyes
Let the people see your pretty face
Try not to say anything weird

Save your questions without answers
'Til your old enough to know that things ain't as they appeared

Before you go out in the sun
Cover your skin and don't get burned
Beware the cancer, it might kill you when you're old

Be first in line, raise your hand
Remember everything you hear
And playing in the rain is worth catching cold

[Chorus]
Sooner or later
We'll be lookin' back on everything
And we'll laugh about it like we knew what all was happening
And someday you might listen to what people have to say
Now you learn the hard way

[Verse 2]
We only want what's best for you
That's why we tell you what to do
And nevermind if nothing makes sense

'Cause it all works out in the end
You're just like us without a friend
But you can build a privacy fence (Yeah)

[Repeat Chorus]

[Verse 3]
Somethings you have to learn them all on your own
You can't rely on anybody else
Or the point of view of a source unknown
If it feels good and sounds nice
Then it's your choice don't doubt yourself
Don't even think twice

Pull the hair back from your eyes
Let the people see your pretty face
You know they like it when you smile (Find a reason to smile)

Try not to focus on yourself
Share that love with someone else
Don't let the bitters bring you down (Down)
Don't let anything bring you down

alternatives: writing

I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself

backward notions

Always wrong
Always fail
Never good enough
Never prevail

The world of comparison has you by your wrists,
You want to look away but you know you can’t resist.

It’s a cycle and you are the wheel,
It’s the pebbles in the road that make you ask if this is real.

A rock comes a long and you fall to the ground.
You find your composure, hoping not to make a sound.

It’s all about perspective, a friend says to make it right.
But the lens I’m looking through is an unavoidable plight.

If only you were different,
You think quietly to yourself,
If only you could just be
Somebody else.

Backward notions, I know this is true,
But the honest truth right now is
I’m wishing I were you.

gah

I don't like this feeling.

less than a person.

It's not healthy, the way I think.

I'm not okay with who I am.

So many times I've felt like there was a break through.

But I keep coming back to this place where I feel empty.

Worthless.

Nothing.

I compare myself to wonderful people.

I wish I could be like them.

I wish I was normal.

But I was told that no one wakes up and says "wow I'm glad I'm normal today"

No one is normal.

But why did God make me so needy? Or is it just me.

Did I do this to myself?

I want to be content with who I am.

But I feel like I need to change in order to be content.

Which means I'll never be.

I get mad at God sometimes, knowing he could've made me different.

I know I wasn't promised happiness in this life, but is that the same as contentment?

I am in the way of fulfilling my purpose.

I am in the way of love.

I am in the way of happiness.

I am in the way.

Everything is upside down.

I have a lot to say, but no words to speak.

Does that make sense to you?

There are so many things going on inside my head, good and bad. So many things that hurt, and yet so many that give me hope. It was said at Bible study a few days ago, that Satan doesn’t have time for us. That we aren’t a threat to him, so why would he try to make us miserable? (something along those lines) Well I don’t believe that. I think Satan is in my head every day, because I’m in a constant state of sadness. Either that, or I just have a corrupt mind.

Chains are hard to break. The songs we sing in worship make it sound so simple. But once the music stops, I’m stuck with my same routine and the same thoughts in my head about the past. I feel like I’m in a body, with a brain that can’t fulfill the purpose God gave me. I can’t do what I’m called to do, because of stupid insecurities.

There are so many things going on around me, so many great things happening, so many opportunities, but I’m not involved in any of them, because of the above statement.

So many times I thought it was going to be different. Change was there, it was right in front of me. I don’t know what happened. I’m a completely different person than I was last year. Mainly I’ve changed for the better, but there’s a part of me that I miss. I’m afraid to be out of my comfort zone. I’m not bold anymore. I don’t know how to talk to people. I’ve never been much of a leader, but I was never afraid to step up if I had to. Now it’s like I try to hide every time.

I used to be able to encourage people, now I don’t know what to say to anyone to make them feel better. I hurt when other people hurt, great, but what’s the point in being able to be empathetic if I can’t help them? It hurts me so bad when people I love are sad or frustrated, and I can’t do anything for them. I know they could care less if I helped them, but it’s a part of who I am to help. I think Empathy being called a "strength" is an oxy moron.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so wrapped up in people. Maybe that sounds weird, but it’s true. I care so much about other people and I love so deeply, that I allow myself to get hurt everyday. And I do.

I know God is bigger than any of this, I’m probably just approaching everything the wrong way. I don’t know what I need, but I need something. God help me.

bad week?

I’m going to break.

This gaping hole in my chest is filled with deceit.

My heart is weak.

I’m not going to make it.

I can’t endure the empty words

I can’t listen anymore.

I’m broken, there’s no point in picking up the pieces.

It’s a vicious cycle.

It doesn’t stop.

What a beautiful lie,

That everything will be alright.

You’re killing me.




Bury me already.

I like oranges.

So I made a blog. Here it is.

I decided that writing is a good outlet for me, not that putting it on the internet is even better...but it's good to get some stuff out in the open. This whole "growing up" thing can be hard, but it's good to know that I have friends going through the same things and the same emotions. I guess I enjoy reading people's thoughts so much, I'd post mine for other peoples' enjoyment and/or entertainment, whatever it may be.

I'm learning a lot about myself, and about God. I'm learning to lose myself, and I'm trying to find myself in Him. I'm actually really proud of myself, because recently I decided to stop hating who I am. It worked...I'm not sure how, because I struggled for so long. Some of the reasons for hating myself weren't even my fault, others I'm still working through. I feel like God's just shown me how He's always been there, and it's overwhelming, knowing how much I doubted Him. It really put me in my place, but has also given me peace about everything. It's hard to keep my faith when I don't have that "on fire" feeling for God. But I know now that feelings come and go, It doesn't mean I'm loved less by God. I'm the one that changes, He doesn't.

A good thing about this blog is that writing it out reminds me of my own thoughts. When I have to sit down and think about it, it reminds me of what God has done and is doing in my life. We'll see how this goes...