Last year I would have told you: "I am redeemed". I believed that I was changed for good, and the deed was done. God made me new. I stopped cutting. I stopped hating myself for the things I did in the past.
But, God is still redeeming me. There are still things I'm working through to become the person who God created me to be. He is still redeeming me. He never gives up. He is enthralled with me, and that is just amazing. I don't get it. I am so absorbed with the things of this world. I have idols. I am dependent. I rely on other people to tell me how to live my life. Why would God love me? (why would He even put up with me, much less be ENTHRALLED with me?) I should be asking HIM how to live my life, I should be putting Him first. And when I don't, He still loves me.
I want to change so that I can live my life to give Him glory. I want God to be the center of my thoughts. I want to make Him proud.
I don't know if anyone will read this, but if so, pray that I find the courage to change.
"O Israel, hope in the Lord! For with the Lord there is steadfast love, and with him is plentiful redemption." -Psalm 130:7
